hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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