hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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