I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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