Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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