careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
