The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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