remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
