I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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