I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
