fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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