Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize