So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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