great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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