Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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