So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
