My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
