Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
