You really coming over, don't trick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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