my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
