I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
