I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize