you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
