I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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