i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
