I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Floor bacon is actually really good
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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