DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What a dumb baby whore.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
