I think i peed on brittanys purse
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
