I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
