mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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