he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
