Just fell off a train. Bad.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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