and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
