I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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