You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
