I'm going to rape someone's good day.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
