its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
