Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
