just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
