My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
