A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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