she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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