Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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