Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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