Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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