I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
