I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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