nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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