You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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