hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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