I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
