saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
