just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
