I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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