Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
