You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize