i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
