I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
