I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
