In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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