What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
