Just cropdusted the office
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
