i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize