What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
