I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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