The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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