:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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