I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
