if you like me you must not know who I am
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize