my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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