Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
