Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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