You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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