I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
