I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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