I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
