So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
