We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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