there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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