Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
