she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
