And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
