Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
