Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
