let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
