I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
