Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
