I'm gonna have a badass scar
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
