U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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