if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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