I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
