I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize