I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
