Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
