I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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