we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
