So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
