Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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