she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
