Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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