when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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