i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Success! We fucked roommates!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
