I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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