you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
