She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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