I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
