operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your cock deserves a montage
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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