we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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