Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
